When you are connected to someone covertly manipulative and silently or secretly devious, you are being victimized. You deserve a life of safety, protections, and honor. I have felt abandoned by three separate churches. None of these churches understood what exactly I was experiencing — not fully. Even when I tried to explain to the final church I was attending during my divorce, I was shunned.
Too often the church not only fails to protect abused women but also refuses to hold men accountable for their abusive and narcissistic abuse.
Uh huh, whatever.
Often the church offers men protection while shaming women into going back to the abuse, all in the name of faith. Many women are patronized and told everything will be okay. They find church leadership refusing to delve deeply into matters or take critical stands. Many times the abuse was highly hidden or brushed off as just marital conflict, that a good marriage book or Christian counseling would cure. Secondary abuse is when others stand by and allow you to be abused. Secondary abuse is when pastors, therapists, friends, and family refuse to take a stand against abuse, leaving the victim to fend for herself.
I would seek help and seek help, and seek help… but no one knew how exactly to help me. Even after my divorce, very few have understood. Not even our children who witnessed much of it. Not that I take the blame. Women in narcissistic relationships feel alone because they are alone. Their mate cannot satisfy their emotional needs for empathic understanding and intimate connection. Like Dr. Hawkins shares in this book, these men have tried to manipulate him — even threatening him or using other tactics.
This answer lives in the gray areas of our lives, and I totally agree. Like he said…. The person God created you to be! A woman of valor! To be fully and perfectly you will require receiving validation for what you have experienced. When you find your safe place, you must tell your story. Begin to experience empowerment as you move through the emotions associated with your loses.
When you grieve your losses, you begin the healing process. You continue your healing when you sit with an understanding soul who grieves with you. God is not asking you to suffer in an abusive relationship. He has a much better life designed for you. David Hawkins on YouTube , for his advice. Can you see how loving him has hurt you? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments. Planning on getting this book or have you read it? I will have been married 49 yrs in June.
Verbal abuse began first after yrs. Got us to counseling not knowing he was in what turned out to be a yr affair. Used our daughters as well to make fun and belittle me. Told Im too sensitive , etc. Asking questions to learn about his affair provoked much anger and abuse which I for some reason allowed. He was clever enough to get ME in jail for fighting back.
Learning from his emails he wanted to get me declared incompetent. My story is ver long, seems to have all the abuse and painful experiences there could be. I was in denial they said so much that I blocked things in my mind and they stayed some place- I guess my safe place. All kids came to our home. I worked and did the PTA, room mother thing. We went to church as a family since girls born. I know now how bad it was. I loved him since 19 and married barely I loved him deeply. Totally trusting him was a big mistake.
I will never reap fairness in the divorce. We went to three counselors early on but they didnt help.
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I certainly did not know he had been in affair already for years. I was no fun, I was just a secretary look what he became and on and on. I was so beaten down for years.
My head and emotions were just numb. I cant explain it. I hope if someone reads this they will not suffer it and get out. We have been to five counselors, and EMS weekend in Texas.
No remorse really just mad cause he has been found out. My attorney, as we have been in reconciliation 8 Mtns, is filing dismissal of reconciliation and proceeding with divorce. Im so very sad, disheartened. Anxious about my future and being alone.
I left home and married him. Never been alone. I have strong faith in God, good friends and support group. Just cant hope any more. Glad to have you along on this journey to healing. May God bless you as you take steps forward into your next chapter. Your email this morning must have been a God thing.
Thank you. I will look into your website about your healing service. This is way too close to home. We are about to hit the 30 year point, but reading this tells me I am not alone and I am not crazy. This is the man I am living with. I have to get this book. Thank you so much for sharing this review.
There are a lot of great books. Be sure to check out my Resources page. Let me know if you need any suggestions.
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Jen thank you so much for sharing this book I cant wait to read it.. Dealing with this level of immaturity and toxic behavior for years and years makes us feel crazy! Thank you for sharing this. This was wonderful confirmation of what I was sensing. It hurt my 5 kids and me. I took care of his mother the last several years of her life.